"Lookin' good! Who's your embalmer?" Lyrics [ Menopause | Mrs. Fletcher's Tribute | Sedated | Red Tape | Hard Body ] [ Let's Get Crazy | Aches, Pains, Capital Gains | Bitchin' Camaro | One Foot In The Grave ] MENOPAUSE I'm running hot, I'm running cold I'm sick and tired of getting old Sex with my husband is becoming rare I never give him his sexual share Say hello to life's frustrations Say goodbye to my menstruation I never had an education like Menopause, Menopause I hit my son during my hot flash That bastard was pointing out my new moustache The house is a wreck and I don't care I just sit around in men's underwear Someone please turn up the fan I try to resist all I can I think I'm turning into a man Menopause, Menopause Help me! I bitch, bitch, bitch and I don't know why Then I say I'm sorry and I start to cry I'm such a terror in my own home My body's playing scrabble with my hormones Say Hello to life's frustrations my nights are filled with perspiration I never asked for this alteration called Menopause, Menopause I'm running hot, I'm running cold I'm sick and tired of getting old Sex with my husband is becoming rare I never give him his sexual share Say Hello to life's frustrations Say goodbye to my menstruation I never had an education like Menopause, Menopause MRS. FLETCHER'S TRIBUTE (I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP) I've fallen and I can't get up I'd let you in, but your just out of luck Can't get the telephone or open the door You see I've fallen on the bathroom floor I've fallen and I can't get up Don't stop the party, I'm used to this stuff Spin me round the floor a couple of times They'll get the doctor, I'll be fine, fine, fine Happens to me every party or two I lose my pacemaker, it's nothing new Don't you fuss or break a sweat I may be down but it ain't over yet I've fallen and I can't get up Don't stop the party, I'm used to this stuff Spin me round the floor a couple of times They'll get the doctor, I'll be fine, fine, fine I hit the button on this beeper here The house fills up and I offer them beer They say it's off to the hospital now I say, "Oh man, don't have a cow" I've fallen and I can't get up Don't stop the party, I'm used to this stuff Spin me round the floor a couple of times They'll get the doctor, I'll be fine, fine, fine I've fallen and I can't get up Don't stop the party, I'm used to this stuff Spin me round the floor a couple of times They'll get the doctor, I'll be fine, fine, fine Liner Notes: JoDina usually rolls on the stage floor during this performance. SEDATED Twenty, twenty, twenty more pills to take I hate to be sedated. Nothin' to do, nowhere to go I hate to be sedated. Get me to the airport, put me on a plane Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go insane They think it's on my fingers, I know it's in my brain Twenty, twenty, twenty more pills to take I hate to be sedated. Nothin' to do, nowhere to go I hate to be sedated. Put me on a bike, get me to the park Hurry, hurry, hurry before it gets too dark They think it's on my fingers I know it's in my brain Twenty, twenty, twenty more pills to take I hate to be sedated. Nothin' to do, nowhere to go I hate to be sedated. Put me on a Harley, get me to the store Hurry, hurry, hurry before they give me more They think it's on my fingers I know it's on my toes Twenty, twenty, twenty more pills to take I hate to be sedated. Nothin' to do, nowhere to go I hate to be sedated. Put me on a golf cart, get me to the course Hurry, hurry, hurry before I have no force They think it's on my fingers I know it's on my toes I hate to be sedated. I hate to be sedated. I hate to be sedated. Liner Notes: I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones RED TAPE Liner Notes: During live performances JoDina is often seen going around the locale wrapping paper ribbons or toilet paper around the audience. HARD BODY Liner Notes: This is the song where JoDina pulls a random male audience member on stage as an illustrative specimen... This song was inspired by one of JoDina's many boyfriends. LET'S GET CRAZY Went to a party, down at Joey's place bought me some Geritol, drinkin' it by the case The music they were playin' was just a disgrace So I picked up my guitar and I started to play Let's get crazy Dance, dance til we get hazy Come on kids, let's get crazy The neighbors couldn't stand it, the cops couldn't too I didn't care and neither did you I'm drinkin' my Geritol, so I'm not lazy Now these guys look like Patrick Swayzee Let's get crazy Dance, dance til we get hazy Come on kids, let's get crazy We're rockin' grandparents With a new appearance We don't need a clearance To spend our kids inheritance We're lookin' for a good time Not gonna walk that straight line Let's get crazy, let's get face lifts, Let's get tummy tucks, let's get butt lifts, Dance, dance til we get hazy Come on kids, let's get crazy ACHES, PAINS, CAPITAL GAINS Aches, pain, capital gains We've paid social security We don't like to complain But life's gettin' nutzo, sometimes it's the pits When we see our friends names in the obits With Soaps we cope and tell retirement jokes We look forward to our Geritol and proctoscopes And all we ask retirement to be Is a life lived well with dignity Now we're senior citizens And proud of our lives We've loved our husbands and loved our wives We've worked hard and we've done our best And now that we're retired We deserve some rest Aches, pain, capital gains We've paid social security We don't like to complain But life's gettin' nutzo, sometimes it's the pits When we see our friends names in the obits With Soaps we cope and tell retirement jokes We look forward to our Geritol and proctoscopes And all we ask retirement to be Is a life lived well with dignity The grandkids visit and they're lots of fun We relive our lives and we exaggerate some We love them and spoil them And ply them with snacks At the end of the visit, We got to give them back Aches, pain, capital gains We've paid social security We don't like to complain But life's gettin' nutzo, sometimes it's the pits When we see our friends names in the obits With Soaps we cope and tell retirement jokes We look forward to our Geritol and proctoscopes And all we ask retirement to be Is a life lived well with dignity And all that we ask retirement to be Is a restaurant that's quiet and completely child-free. BITCHIN' CAMARO Liner Notes: The Dead Milkmen ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE I try to cough but phlegm won't come up I've hacked and wheezed 'til I've had enough I ache all day from my head to my toes I'm anal retentive, my bowels won't let go Every morning, when I awake I open my eyes and find the pills I take When my heart starts, I even feel spry But if you ask how I'm doin', it's my duty to lie 'Cause I've got One foot in the grave while the other one's still in bed When I wake up movin', That's when I know I ain't dead So, as long as I'm breathin', You know I'll never behave With one foot still in bed And one foot in the grave Just 'cause I'm old, don't mean I'm dumb I haven't spent eighty years suckin' my thumb You might have computers, VCRs, microwaves But I haven't drunk too much aftershave If you think I'm senile and have run out of gas I'll smile and tell you, "I'll whip your ass" As long as I'm movin', I won't be a slave 'Cause I got your money and only One foot in the grave while the other one's still in bed When I wake up movin', That's when I know I ain't dead So, as long as I'm breathin', You know I'll never behave With one foot still in bed And one foot in the grave One foot in the grave while the other one's still in bed When I wake up movin', That's when I know I ain't dead So, as long as I'm breathin', You know I'll never behave With one foot still in bed And one foot in the grave Last update 10-Mar-2002. © One Foot In The Grave. 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