"Old Farts" Lyrics [ Cross-Dresser | I Hate Your Guts | Blister In The Sun | Golf Cart Drivers From Hell ] [ Grungefest | Sheena | Back-Stabbin' Son-Of-A-Bitch | Chainsaw Mama ] [ Basket Case | Quit Bitchin' | Stage Dive | Sun City Rocks ] CROSS-DRESSER (JoDina - B. Williams) I went to the laundromat, My coins in hand Just to do laundry, Never thought I'd meet a man I was by the dryers, Just as bored as can be When a handsome man Started talkin' to me... But he's a cross-dresser, He's a cross-dresser He wants to date me! He's a cross-dresser He's a cross-dresser He's eyein' my panties! He said he'd never been To the laundromat before He didn't even know How to open the dryer door As we talked I helped him With his clothes He was sorting colors, I saw pantyhose! He's a cross-dresser, He's a cross-dresser Not lookin' at my eyes! He's a cross-dresser, He's a cross-dresser He likes me for my size! I thought those undies Belonged to some girl He was so handsome My mind was in a whirl I got excited as he eyed my body When he smiled, I went potty! He's a cross-dresser, He's a cross-dresser He's just my size! He's a cross-dresser, He's a cross-dresser How do I attract these guys? I HATE YOUR GUTS (M. Murdock) There's just a little something That I'd like you to know Before you pack your bags and Get ready to go Just a few little words from you to me So sit right down and listen carefully - I hate your guts, I hate the way you walk I hate your guts, I hate the way you talk I hate your guts, I hate the clothes you wear I even hate the duckies On your underwear You got 21-feet of intestine and I hate every foot I can't believe that I was so surprised When our love affair went kaput... I hate your guts, I hate your big blue eyes I hate your guts, I hate your alibis I hate your guts, I hate the car your drive BLISTER IN THE SUN Liner Notes: Violent Femmes GOLF CART DRIVERS FROM HELL (G. Wieser) I'd like to sing you a little ditty About a place in the desert Called Sun City The don't have a rapid transit Called BART But they get around In little golf carts... There they were But you'd never know it In bright pastels, they'd never show it They don't have tattoos On muscles that swell But they were the Golf cart drivers from hell... They've got whoopie cushions and Squirting flowers They'll laugh at the Dribble glass trick for hours They're armed with jokes, Body noises and smells Those golf cart drivers from hell... They're on the road, movin' fast Burnin' rubber and kickin' ass Two Harley's fuel by Muscatel Those golf cart drivers from hell. The golf course is their favorite place They can disappear in a crowd Without a trace They replace golf balls With eggs with thin shells Those golf cart drivers from hell... Widow Jones was out walking her dog Her hearing aid off and her mind in a fog They cruised by and goosed her and Laughed like hell Those golf cart drivers from hell... They're on the road, movin' fast Burnin' rubber and kickin' ass Two Harley's fuel by Muscatel Those golf cart drivers from hell. The deputy sheriff Looked up in surprise They blew by quickly, Throwin' dust in his eyes He couldn't see them But he heard them yell Those golf cart drivers from hell. Ned walked out walking and Well on his way They cut their engines and From two feet away They blasted their horns and His blood pressure swelled - Those golf cart drivers from hell. They're on the road, movin' fast Burnin' rubber and kickin' ass Two Harley's fuel by Muscatel Those golf cart drivers from hell. If you're ever out in Sun City Where Don Quail walks With his little buddies Cover your back 'Cause you won't want to tell Anyone about Those golf cart drivers from hell. They're on the road, movin' fast Burnin' rubber and kickin' ass Two Harley's fuel by Muscatel Those golf cart drivers from hell. GRUNGEFEST (M. Genova) When I talk to you, It's really not that fun Halitosis in your breath Is making me want to run! What the hell is going on In that mouth of yours? Did you eat a muskrat Or did you lick the floor? There's a grungefest in your mouth I wouldn't be a-lyin' Breath mints, mouthwash, fresheners Is what you should be buyin' Trust me, you need a mint Or something for your teeth If I have to talk to you for long, I'll need a gas mask for relief Your orthodontist isn't doing well After he had that fit It was from the wretched He said you smell just like #!(!#)! There's a grungefest in your mouth I wouldn't be a-lyin' Breath mints, mouthwash, fresheners Is what you should be buyin' SHEENA Liner Notes: Sheena is a punk rocker - The Ramones A.k.a. "Mama is a punk rocker", as frequently performed live. BACK-STABBIN' SON-OF-A-BITCH (J. Scazzola) Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! You stole my money, you stole my car You left me with the kids and The tab from the bar You said everything would be Just swell But you made my life a living hell Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! When we met you seemed so cool Then you played me for a stupid fool You're so good, I didn't have a clue But now I can see Right through yoooouuuuu... Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Back-stabbin' son-of-a-bitch! Ulterior motives Are what you had in mind Some wounds don't heal with time You said everything would be Just swell... But you made my life a living hell Liner Notes: This song is dedicated to JoDina's ex-husband (comment added by request...) CHAINSAW MAMA (R. Morey - M. Genova) Rippin' up the furniture, Slashin' at the walls Chasin' down that bastard, Racin' through the halls I know he hears me comin' With my crankin' power saw But if I can't have that man No one will have him at all... You know you drove me crazy When you left me on that night Because of some quarrel, Because of some fight I begged and I pleaded For you to come home But you were with some sleazeball and I stayed home alone You hurt me once too often This I can't ignore I'm gonna bring home my chainsaw and Rip down your door I've been watching Oprah and She told me what to do I'm gonna cut off your gonads and Make some kind of stew I'm one mean chick With my cuttin' machine Just hopin' I don't run out of gasoline I swear I'll get that man and I'll tear him apart That way I'll always have A piece of his heart Liner Notes: Mike Genova wrote this song for JoDina when she was "somewhat" upset over a (now ex-) boyfriend... BASKET CASE Liner Notes: Green Day QUIT BITCHIN' (G. Peter O'Neill - G. Wieser) If you're lookin' for pity, Don't be lookin' my way I'll only tell you once How it was in our day And if you're not listening, I'll sing a bitchy song And whether you like it or not, You'll listen all day long... The only dishwasher we knew Was one that had hands We didn't have tapedecks or video cams We didn't have beepers Or cellular phones There was no place to go So we all stayed home... Quit bitchin' - You've got plenty to eat Quit bitchin' - You've got a warm place to sleep Quit bitchin' - You've got all day to play Quit bitchin' - Or I'll tell you how it was in my day We walked seven miles to school, Uphill, both ways Always in a blizzard Or in the pouring rain We went outside to the toilet, We did it with the dogs We fetched water from the river and We chopped a lot of logs... Quit bitchin' - 'Til you have to work for a living Quit bitchin' - Until you have to do the giving Quit bitchin' - All you do is whine and moan Quit bitchin' - Or you'll never be full grown Your batteries wore out? Ah, too bad. And you just ran out of soda? I'm so sad! And no more beanie weenies or spagettios? Keep your dirty finger out of your nose... Quit bitchin' - Or you'll have to listen to me I'll tie you to a chair and You'll never get free I'll feed you jalapenos and Load you up with kraut Then you'll have something to bitch about... Don't go telling me that you're bored! Or how there's nothing to do I'm not your entertainment director What would you do without the tube? Quit bitchin' - You'll think you have it rough When you're stuck with leftovers or Coco-Puffs Quit bitchin' - Or I'll shove it down your craw And you'll be damn grateful to have anything at all Quit bitchin' - You've got plenty to eat Quit bitchin' - You've got a warm place to sleep Quit bitchin' - Don't stamp your feet and shout Quit bitchin' - Or I'll give you something to bitch about! STAGE DIVE (B. Williams) Get down to - The rhythm and the craziness Of these sounds I'm gettin' ready to go Slam-jammin' with these clowns The slappin' of the drums, Distortion of the lead guitar I can see the crowds a-comin' Jammin' it from near and far... I do a stage dive - I do it on a dare - Cause I'm a slam-jammin' stage-divin' Fool and I don't care! I got a stud in my nose, Spikes on up my hair "Ham-N-Cheese" on my T-shirt Psycho underwear SUN CITY ROCKS (G. Wieser) Driving down the boulevard In my drop-top Cadillac The sun is shining brightly A breeze is at my back I ignore the leers of those Hotdog golfin' studs Chasing little balls around and Drinking cans of Bud Sun City Rocks - On the street or in the country club Sun City Rocks - With a toddy or prescription drugs Sun City Rocks - With real and artificial hugs Sun City Rocks, Sun City Rocks, Sun City Rocks - Sun City Rocks! I'm up and out at four a.m. For my morning jog I fear no vicious mugger Cause I'm with my senile dog I'm on the go all day long and When they roll up the streets My walkman plays Metallica To lull me into sleep... Sun City Rocks - On the street or in the country club Sun City Rocks - With a toddy or prescription drugs Sun City Rocks - With real and artificial hugs Sun City Rocks, Sun City Rocks, Sun City Rocks - Sun City Rocks! I keep busy all day long Having friends for tea We enjoy conversation While watching MTV We discuss old war wounds From previous operations And the many remedies For solving constipation... Sun City Rocks - On the street or in the country club Sun City Rocks - With a toddy or prescription drugs Sun City Rocks - With real and artificial hugs Sun City Rocks, Sun City Rocks, Sun City Rocks - Sun City Rocks! Last update 10-Mar-2002. © One Foot In The Grave. Contact us or sign the Guest Book.